Tehom: Room for Chaos?

Water

You separated the chaos waters in the beginning.

Tehom.

You separated but did did not destroy. Why?

If chaos was before the beginning, and chaos was what kept the beginning from sparking, why did you not simply evaporate chaos? Why was it only separated from us and not obliterated?

I wonder.

I tread these overgrown paths of the old ways — Celtic, Hebrew, indigenous — or at least I try. There is much to be learned, much to be gleaned. Yet I can’t seem to swallow the idea that ‘everything happens for a reason’. I tire of the line, especially when it’s only an ineffectual escape boat for people who don’t really want to have a deeper journey with a wounded other.

I understand the concept, though. All that is and all that has happened must have been and must have occurred because of something else being and doing. Cause and effect, correct? And apparently, if I contemplate hard enough or be mindful enough, synchronicity will emerge to the surface of my consciousness and I’ll finally be illuminated to how everything is intertwined.

Apparently.

The reluctance of my character reigns supreme here, in that I can’t blithely accept that everything happens for a reason; that synchronicity is real and, if it is, helps us see threads tying all things and beings together; or that the universe is bound together somehow so pristinely that just because butterflies flap their wings on this side of the ocean causing weather mayhem on the other side of the ocean, that my life somehow becomes a reflection of butterflies and weather.

You did not destroy tehom.

Wheels of life, from any culture, appear as closed systems. No room is made for chaos — the impossible, the unpredictable, the completely-outside-our-realm-of-existence. How come? Are we that proud of what you spoke into being as being so self-contained that we can’t accept even the remote possibility of tehom still existing? Are we that afraid to consider the option that not every thing in our universe happens for a reason? Are we that entertained by our own selves that we create synchronicity where none really exists? Are we so desperate to believe in the interdependence of all things that we’ll extend the boundaries of creation into places where creation was never meant to dwell?

Are we swimming in the chaos waters without knowing it, and calling it ‘reason’?

Walking a mystic’s path is a demanding one — one that ushers me into the complete surrounding of you. You in all things. You over all things. You through all things.

So why is it I cannot quite come to accept: ‘everything happens for a reason’?

I come back to this moment of creation when you separated the chaos waters from above and from below. In this creation of space, you made room perhaps for everything to be interconnected with this space.

But what about without this space?

What about the chaos waters you did not destroy, but simply held back?

I’m not eager to accept that chaos might have a hand in the progression and existence of our world, but I can’t discount its presence either. Boasting that all things are interconnected without at least acknowledging the possibility of chaos — that which we can’t conceive of, comprehend, or understand (past, present, or future) — is folly. It perhaps gives us a sense of the world, but only as a world closed to other possibilities.

You didn’t destroy chaos. You didn’t destroy tehom. You only held them back.

I am not questioning your decision here. I’m only reflecting on what didn’t happen at your creation, rather than what did. I’m only reflecting on the narratives urging me to accept the interconnectedness of all things, and how reluctant I am to accept those narratives. I’m only confessing my failures on this journey.

I’m asked to accept that ‘what will be will be’ for whatever reason. Cultures and peoples have given all sorts of reasons since humanity began grunting at one another. And, of course, reason has meant all sorts of things to all sorts of people down through then eons. These reasons not only help us shape our theologies and theophanies, but they give us the power of narrative over the physical world in which we find ourselves powerless.

If you had destroyed tehom in the beginning, I might be able to say unequivocally that all things are indeed interconnected, and that everything does happen for a reason. But chaos was not destroyed in the beginning. It was held back, controlled.

In this moment in time, then, I am obligated to believe in the power of chaos in this world. Held back, perhaps, but present. I can believe in the circles of life — evident in ancient mandalas, triquetras, or medicine wheels — but with pieces missing, punctures or rifts in the lines.

What if — WHAT IF — there are events and people and things that truly were/are NOT supposed to happen? Things even out of your scope of creation? What IF?

Without room for chaos to be present, it seems that I fail to account for what is outside the realm of the created order. I become free to believe that everything can and does happen for a reason because nothing outside of the created order exists.

But it does exist, no?

Some might think this pushback against the interconnectedness of being would lead to hopelessness or despair. Quite the contrary! The allowance for the presence of tehom — chaos waters you only separated but did not destroy — speaks more to the consistency of your character.

I look to you as God. Others look to you as divine, as science, as nature, as the cosmos. Most of us are in agreement that we clearly don’t know everything, including why things happen. Good things. Bad things. Mundane things. In my perception of you, you are Love. You are the Source of Being.

You don’t force cancer on people, or use suicide as a rescue opt-out button for humans, and you don’t instigate dashing babies’ heads against rocks. You don’t “bless” people with insane amounts of money, wealth, family, or faith. That’s still meritocracy speaking. We receive because we’re in favour, or so we say, and call it faith. How very checks and balances. No wonder we are love-starved.

The question of evil will forever be unanswered because only some evil remains constant. Other evils change over time, even to become good. Some good remains constant throughout history, while other goods evolve and become evil.

Or perhaps it is humanity that changes. Or all of the above.

Whatever the case, I don’t see you as the cause and consequence of all things at all times. Those are absolutes I cannot ascribe to you as I know and perceive you. Which leads me back to creation:

You only separated tehom.

You did not destroy them.

And as a reluctant human, I truly do wonder: “Why?”

 

1 comment

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  1. beavoicefororphans

    Yes, GOD is Love… Glad you know this and are seeking truth… What a wonder, about GOD’s purpose for holding back the chaos waters, to wonder about! I don’t know. To wonder of the wonder of His wonderful wonder! It is interesting to wonder about and you have definitely brought up thought provoking curiosity…

    Was it to just keep us from being overcome by its power and strength and yet still be there letting us know of His great power and strength. Sounds redundant I know. Why didn’t he obliterate it? We may not know until we get to Heaven… Why didn’t He obliterate those He knew would be evil in their ways causing harm, tragedy, disaster? Yet HIS purpose and desire is that of Love again: John 3:16-17 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

    About the chaos, 4 things come to mind, yet there are probably more. 1) Ephesian 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. There is this dark realm of chaos outside of ourselves as humans that mess with our thoughts and lives. 2) There are physical storms that can bring chaos. 3) There can be chaos when people choose to sin and rebel that hurt others by crossing over love’s boundaries. 4) There can also be chaos in our inner being, heart, soul, mind, and spirit simply with growing up and trying to understand life, the world, ourselves, God etc. let alone for those who suffer with varying limitations, disabilities, experiences, mental illness, abuse.

    We can know GOD is sovereign and in control in the midst of chaos:

    Acts 17:24 -For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. For in him we live and move and have our being.’ As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’ “Therefore since we are God’s offspring, we should not think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone–an image made by human design and skill. In the past God overlooked such ignorance, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent. For he has set a day when he will judge the world with justice by the man he has appointed. He has given proof of this to everyone by raising him from the dead.”

    Talk about “wonder”: Again, this is so amazing, in the midst of chaos we have our being in HIM…
    God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. For in Him we live and move and have our being…

    Then there’s Ecclesiastes 3:1-17 that explains more of HIS control in the midst of chaos where no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end…

    A Time for Everything
    3 There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
    2 a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
    3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
    4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
    5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
    6 a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
    7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
    8 a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.
    9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

    15 Whatever is has already been,
    and what will be has been before;
    and God will call the past to account.
    16 And I saw something else under the sun:

    In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,
    in the place of justice—wickedness was there.
    17 I said to myself,

    “God will bring into judgment
    both the righteous and the wicked,
    for there will be a time for every activity,
    a time to judge every deed.”

    God is the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. (HE is a constant in the chaos)

    What is the reason for some chaos such as Trials and Temptations:

    James 1:2-7; 13-18
    2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. 12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

    13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

    16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

    Thanks for making me wonder and ponder!

    I hope this sparks more of your curiosity to know GOD more and His love for you…
    https://suicidenotmyheart.wordpress.com

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