My Love, Why Did You Leave?

WaitingMary on a Saturday
– E.Thomas, 2013 

It's cold, my Love

The sun is scorching hot,
stones burn the bottoms of my feet,
and sweat trickles underneath my breasts
soaking my clothes,

but I am cold.

It's dark, my Love

The sun is high in the sky today,
so hot it has bleached the sky white
and chased the clouds away,

but like yesterday, it is dark.

I have been in this place before,
this meeting place of darkness and cold,
wrapped in evil hands for comfort;
All fourteen hands sliding up and down my body,
all seven heads turned to my ears,
whispering the blessing of death… a death that would never come.

For all the rending of my muscles from my everything else,
death was not allowed;
and those seven mouths
cackled,

and condemned.

I screamed in this place.

This very place.

But I suppose now no one heard me, except my own raw ears.

My Love, My Love, why did you leave me?! 

In the cold,
in the dark,
in the heads and voices and hands,
suddenly a warm palm against my cheek…
Do you remember?

Warm skin,
real skin,
human skin… skin on my skin… touched.
Not molested
Not slapped
Not pinched
Not choked

Do you remember?

The entire dark of night was stuffed inside of me
the cosmos
the wheeling stars winking on and off,
and yet it was me you entered, me you wanted to see
Me you loved.

None else could come.
Not even death.

I grasped your hand,
and it was done.

In a whisper, demons wailing were banished
the night fled me in terror
and fear cowered in a corner I have never found again…

… until now.

My Love, my LOVE…!

You brought me back to myself,
back to my tattered community,
back to you
away from the awful Waiting Place
and the voices giggling in every corner of who I used to be.

I knew from the first you were here for reasons larger than myself
Not just me alone
How arrogant could I truly be in my fractured gratitude?

But when our eyes met

… walking barefoot on the lakeshore,
… setting up camp as we followed you about the hills
… eating around the fire
I did know love that tore my muscles from everything else
and this time I gave myself wholly to it
to you. 

We would steal glances
secret smiles
soft taps on the shoulder 
fingers accidentally brushing the other's packing up our gear

You wanted me as dearly as I wanted you

You used to laugh…
… a shy bashful laugh if I said something funny

Your cheeks would flush with colour…
… an innocent, wonderful colour when you caught me enjoying life
Life you gave me

My Love, my Love… why did you leave me…?

I saw your power
I saw your love
I saw you…

why did you not stop them!

With a word or a thought, it would have been over. 

Why?

Why…?

Why have you left me, my Love?

Icicles are building again inside my body,
and I am once again found in this place of Waiting

It is cold.

It is dark.

Even in the heat of the day.

Most of the others have fled.

I don't care.

I love you, but today…

… today I hate you.

You could have stopped it all.

Why, my Love,
did you leave me alone?

From the first, your palm to my cold cheek
you trumpeted your desire for my life.
And the night fled in terror.

Why, my Love,
did you let the night swallow you up?

My Love, my Love…

… why have you forsaken me? 

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