Dark Night of the Soul

Dark night of the soul  “If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.” (St. John of the Cross, b.1542-d.1591). I sense that darkness of the soul is coming. With a struggling spirit and flailing limbs, I am fighting that I not enter such a twilight; but God uses such nights for purposes thoroughly unknown.

Everyone must walk through dark nights of the soul. Many of us walk through multitudes of them. Sometimes we emerge all the stronger, drinking in the morning light. Other times we are weakened and shown how desperately we need our Lord at all times. Right now, my soul is torn and I grieve that consequences this night will bring.

I do not understand why, if believers all claim to be walking with the Lord, that we tear one another to shreds consistently. Is it the shredding of my name that I fear? Is the desecration of relationship? Is it simply the anxiety of conflict? Is it more? Is it a nameless fear I cannot fathom or predict?

When-helping-hurts The authors contend that nowhere in history has there lived so many rich people — speaking of us, the working middle-class. This rips me apart! I see myself separated from the poor Jesus loves so much by planes and planes of thick plexi-glass. I am pounding my fists bloody to get to them! But I have not the strength to break the barrier. They cannot hear me from behind the glass. I scream and yell and beat the awful window some more, but not a crack forms. I ache to be with these people not so to save them… but rather to be with family. They are not the ones hoarding stuff to the point where God seems only a novelty. I am. I need to go home. I need them, and they need me. But the glass refuses to break. In thankfulness, I offer what gratitude I have to God but question… why was I born rich? How is it that this richness has so destroyed the lives of others??? I do not wish this!

As a rich person, I see others around me unhappy with all their wealth, but all the while accumulating more and more and more. It shames me. It saddens me. Such broken hearts stuffing ourselves to try and find wholness.

In Canada, a bill has been proposed in Parliament that would see immigrants-turned-citizens able to received Old Age Security after 3 years rather than the current 10. The outcry from believers and non-believers alike has been deafening. They want their own taken care of first. They want what's coming to them. They want what they have earned. It's human… we want what seems fair and equal.

But fair doesn't mean equal.

equal: : like for each member of a group, class, or society (Webster's Dictionary)

fair:  free from self-interest, prejudice, or favoritism;  an elimination of one's own feelings, prejudices, and desires so as to achieve a proper balance of conflicting interests. (Wesbter's Dictionary)

My soul sees no law for retirement in the Holy Word. Where does it say that it was every our money to begin with? I see a God who provides for us and desires us to be in service to Him until He calls us home. And I see a society that believes the government should provide for its citizens. And I see a clash. 

I have suffered lay-offs before. I have seen people lose pensions. I know how unfair life feels. Yet, it is not the government who is my Provider. It is God. He is my King, the One I owe my only allegiance to. Will there be backlash to this stance? Yes. Another step into the dark night God is leading me into. 

Whether immigrants receive government aid after 10 years or 3 years, it matters not. The Body needs to take back its role in the world. We have given over to others what Jesus Christ Himself claimed He came here to do.


The fields of people "God so loved" coming to us… right before us. What does it matter the law of man, when God promised He would see no one short? Are there poor already among us? Yes. Will there be more? Yes. As there needs to be. We are the richest people in all of human history. They are coming because God has provided. And to that end, I pray the glass cracks… and we are family once again.

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